Dear Brides,
How are you all doing? Are you excited?
I know exactly how you felt when your fiances pop the question and placed the ring on your fingers (well, maybe for those fiances who bought rings, i guess). It felt surreal , dazed and sky-high. I went home, with a silly grin my face and happy tears in my eyes. I never know how exciting and amazing it felt to be engaged. It's a nice warm feeling to have a man declaring his love for you and wanting to spend the rest of his lifetime with you. It is a big big step for any man, especially if he does it without you giving him a passive-aggressive attitude (Read: Ai-Ai Delas Alas) or (pathetic) ultimatums. I am not one of those girls who dreams of their wedding day even before they met their man. I don't spend hours surfing on bridal gowns even before the proposal. It came as a surprise to me how giddy I felt of being engaged. And I tell you girls, relish it. It is one of the wonderful surprises of life. I am so grateful that my fiance (now husband) had given me a chance to enjoy our courtship in a step-by-step fashion, no shortcuts. He proposed to me after a good amount of time of getting to know our quirks, foul moods and shortcomings. He did not rush but he didn't dwaddle either. We didn't jump into marriage either after he proposed. We had a good one year and few months to simmer into this exciting state of engagement and had a good time to prepare for our wedding. When I will have a daughter, I would wish for her the same thing. I would want her future husband to court her. I want her to enjoy the company of her boyfriend. I want that she will experience the joys of being proposed and the preparation that come afterwards. I don't want her to be cheated on that like some girls do. Unfortunately, a lot of girls had been deprived of that. Some girls would hurriedly run with their boyfriends to the next judge to get married just like that. Some girls would tell me that they wish their fiancé proposed to them with a ring and a proper proposal instead of "I guess its time we should get married now because we are of age, can you do all the necessary things to get this done?". I wish my daughter can experience the same excitement and fun of being engaged as well as all the other single women because we all deserve it.
Being both a bit of an obsessive-compulsive in varying styles and degrees, me and my husband love preparing for our wedding. Of course, it naturally comes with an occasional conflicts of choices but most often, it comes with a perfect collaboration of our wants. The preparation bonds you both as a couple and this is a trial run of the world of compromise of married life. I was lucky enough to have a hand-ons fiancé. He wasn't like other fiancee who lets the bride do all the decisions and wait on the sidelines. It was also a challenge for us to prepare with me working abroad while he would do all the overseeing himself back in the Philippines. But we were a team and we make a perfect team together.
So here are my personal tips on preparing for your wedding of your dreams:
1.SPLURGE ON THE NON-NEGOTIABLES AND SCRIMP ON THE NEGOTIABLES
Weddings are no joke. It can cost an arm and a leg. Especially now that it has attracted many creatives and turned it into businesses. That why, I guess, you can't also blame others who opted to elope and go to City Hall to be married off. So for you not to get buried in debt way before your marriage has even started, try to choose at least two non-negotiables to splurge on and try to seek for very talented suppliers that can give you a fee that is right for your budget. For us, our non-negotiables are our photos/videos and our catering. Photos/Videos will document this special day and will stand in as our time machine to relive the day we said 'our i-dos". We wanted one of best. Someone who is reliable and well-recommended. We chose Bordoy Viterbo. He is one of the best photographers in Panay. He is extremely popular especially in Boracay weddings. We were so happy we booked him and his team. He did an amazing job. We are very happy clients. The other non-negotiable is food. We want our guests' tummies to be satisfied and full. We chose Wilson Esperancilla, one of the best caterers in town. Me and my husband might be overwhelmed with everything around us that we weren't able to really eat properly but our guests were super-duper happy with food. It was a joy to see them coming back for more helpings. To balance some of the budget, we looked for talented suppliers that is equally good as those who have made names in the wedding business for number of years but in our own price range. We also asked help from friends to lend in a helping hand in our preparation. My dear friend Mel designed and did all our invitations by hand. My mom and dad also volunteered to take care of souvenirs and our rings.
2. BE YOUR OWN COUPLE
Before starting the preparation, my husband and I discussed what we want for our wedding. We know who we are as a couple. We want it to be simple, laid-back, modern classic but not tacky. We were never traditional but we were never extreme rule-breaker either. We are not into lavish affairs. We don't want our wedding to shout out opulence and utmost elegance that everyone became to stiff and pretends to be so someone they are not. We are chill and bubbly. We are not vulgar or rowdy either. In a hot tropical country and people used to wearing barongs for wedding, my husband wants a tux, so we will give him his tux. Good thing, the entourage willingly oblige to his request too and they all wore tux even in our not-perfectly ventilated church. People expect brides to use the traditional veils over the bride's face and wear glittery gown and white glittery shoes. I did not. I wore a bird-cage veil and a bright green heels. We were told that reception decoration needs expensive fresh flowers that I couldn't even pronounce to exude an air of elegance and classiness but I am not into that. I am happy with a bunch of filler flowers like baby's breath to decorate our reception area and more cutesy crafts to exude a happy mood. Also try to be creative in your programs for the receptions. Insert fun games like we did instead of long string of toasts and messages.
3. DO YOUR RESEARCH
Before committing to your suppliers, do your research. Ask your friends and previous clients of suppliers for opinions. Referrals are the best way to get good suppliers. Remember that the referring parties should have your best interest at hand and not with ulterior motives like say, a commission. The best suppliers we got are mostly from my husband's workmates' suggestions. We were so glad we got the suppliers they recommended. Also go with your gut feeling. We know they are the right suppliers when we met up with them , we felt a relaxed feeling and we know they will take care of the details for us. We felt that with our photographer, my bridal gown designer and our event stylists. We ended the meeting with me and J being excited and looking forward to our wedding day. And truly, they didn't disappoint.
4. BE ORGANIZE AND DELEGATE
When we started preparing, I bought a wedding notebook. We jot down the suppliers we have chosen as well as we are still choosing along with their professional fees, dates of deadline of payments and our deposited payments for reservation. My husband made an excel document for us to update whenever we paid or deposited our suppliers. It helps also to reserved early. Wedding suppliers, the good ones that is, gets booked fast and they can slip through your hands if you don't book them first. Same goes to your church and reception area. I know couples who have a date in mind but failed to reserved the church they want and have to search another church last minute because of this simple mistake. Also do some research on how to get a marriage license. Prepare your birth certificates, baptismal certificates, confirmation certificates and cenomar (certificate of no marriage, usually for the groom only). Take note that these have validity dates. Also you need to a Cana seminar, publish your marriage banns for 3 consecutive Sundays in your respective parishes and have a seminar at the population office. These stage of the prep can be tricky and time-consuming. Also list down your probable guests. Each of the couple should make their own list and compromise on a number of guests. Inform your relatives and friends abroad way ahead schedule for them to prepare too for their leaves and vacation. Also delegate. My husband made me in-charge of the flowers, what to tell the florists is up to me. He took care of the transportation. For music, I chose the church music while he took care of the music for the reception. For all the other things we can't do, we asked help from my amazing cousin, Manang Sheil. My mother and her friend took care of the offertory gifts.
5. THIS IS A CELEBRATION OF LOVE, NOT A SHOW
If only I have superpowers, I wish I could fly out all my friends and families who weren't able to come to our wedding because of work and distance. I realize that it really matters that on the most important day of both your life, you have your loved-ones there rather than faceless strangers to make a commentary and just for the free food. That's why I understand why other people would spend plane fares to fly out their relatives and friends with them in their wedding day. Only if we were buck-load rich. *Sigh. Also while some couples get overwhelmed with preparation, they forget that this after all is about love. Some couples get so caught up with impressing other people, they lost sight that the wedding is not about other people but rather about them, celebrating their love for each other. Sometimes when I get frazzled from the wedding preparation, my husband would always remind me, "The most important thing is that we are getting married and nothing else matter". He told me that I shouldn't expect everything to be perfect on that day but it was perfect enough because we will be spending our lives together. Then I smiled. I guess this start of a marriage when someone become your strength when you get weak.
I hope these tips are useful for you. Enjoy this moment. I felt a bit sad when the preparation was coming to a close. My 'list-maker' in me was enjoying too much of ticking our to-do list in our wedding notebook until I realize that the best was yet to come after the the preparation. Have loads of fun, brideys... Its exciting to be a bride in this generation. So many options, so many new innovative ideas. Best of luck and Best Wishes.
Photo by Bordoy Photography
Sincerely,
A Happy Ex-Bride
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