DID I EVER REGRET RETURNING IN SINGAPORE?

Our plan last 2023 for me to resign from my job in Oman and work again in Singapore was very spontaneous decision made by my husband and I but somehow it fitted in our future plans so we went ahead with it. Start of 2023, my sister spoke to me if my hubby would be interested in managing a branch of her Samgyupsal restaurant in the Philippines and she change it to, if we are interested to franchise her Samgyupsal restaurant which means hubby needs to move back to Philippines. I threw that option to my hubby, assuming that he is not interested. He has always been resistant of us being apart as family. But I was surprised that he was interested in starting a business and bringing the boys along with him. We have been in Oman going 5 years already and it was very difficult for him to find a job. So the initial plan is: we all take a vacation Summer of 2024 - during school break while we would find a suitable location for the business and start the business before I return back alone to Oman. I will stay in Oman for maybe 2 more years and if the business is doing well, I will come home in the Philippines for good. There was the possibility though of business was not as reliable as a stable income, I may be staying in Oman until I decide to return. However, while hubby and I were mulling over our plans, a good friend of mine who has been working in Singapore for years asked me if I plan to return to Singapore to work because there is a new hospital opening up. My instant response is “No thank you. I am quite comfortable already in Oman and anyways, we are planning to move back to Philippines soon.” I told hubby of my conversation with my friend and he said why don’t you try it out, anyways Singapore is near to Philippines, it is easier for us to flying back & forth Philippines-Singapore to bridge the distance between us. I love Singapore but I also know how stressful it is working there, I am not sure if I would want to face that again but then again, I have exposure to living and working in the country, I assume that it will be easy for me. So that was decided. I applied for the job and I was immediately accepted. My family will move earlier than expected back to the Philippines while I was processing my papers to work in Singapore. My family flew back to the Philippines in August 2023 while I aim to fly to Singapore by end of 2023 or early of 2024.

The processing of my papers to get my Singapore license was like an uphill battle and it took longer that expected. I was thinking I will get my license approved fast because I had worked as doctor in Singapore before but it was like back to square one with lots of additional requirements. I admit I cried several times while I was complying with the application for my medical license to Singapore Medical Council. And after many back and forth and thousands of papers to be certified & notarized, I finally had my Singapore medical license approved by end of November 2023. I was due to fly for my Philippines vacation by December 2023. As advised by my employment agency who were processing my documents to file my resignation before my vacation which I did and I will return to Oman by January, work for 2 more months and fly to  Singapore by 1st week of March 2024. I really enjoyed my time in Oman - it was like a work break with salary for me. Work hours were so chill and I was well-compensated. It was perfect work-life balance I have longed for. But it was time to move on.

I was employed in a new hospital under Palliative Medicine. I had high expectations that I will love Palliative Medicine. Since I am Certified Family Medicine doctor, Palliative is one of its subspecialty and it has a bit of Psychiatry aspect which since medical school, Psychiatry is something that I have always been interested (will blog soon why I didn’t specialised in Psychiatry). I was thinking if I will love Palliative Medicine, I will probably aim to pass Diplomate Exam in Family Medicine in Philippines and aim to get fellowship certificate in PallMed in Philippines and eventually practice PallMed  in Philippines if I plan to return home. Or even open up a nursing home or something. 

So there I was in Singapore. Upon arriving Changi aiport, I felt like the airport feels like its has grown old with me - grey, signs of ageing, feel old somehow but I also get to see new and younger version of Singapore like the Jewel but I could seem to connect with it. My first day in Singapore was an exhausting day. Headed to the agency office, met up with my friend, went back to the agency office, went to HR for signing of papers while dragging my heavy luggage and going around a mall to find a telecom to fix my sim & finding the exit for taxi stand while carrying my heavy luggage in escalators. I finally just rode a bus and search for the temporary HBD room I will stay at. I was exhausted to death and somehow that exhaustion and sleepiness carried on up until I started my work in March 25. 

I was temporarily assigned in a sister hospital, shadowing different departments. I was the only junior doctor for Palliative Medicine in the new hospital. By April we moved to the new hospital. It was such a beautiful new huge hospital. I was filled with optimism and excitement to start a new. By 2nd week of April, I dive head on to my new role. I was like fish out of water, confused on my new responsibilities and overwhelmed with the new experience of working in a hospital setting and not a clinic (polyclinic). On top of it, I was also an addition manpower for Rehabilitation Medicine and General Medicine. The expectations and overwhelming responsibilities as well as my seniors questioning my medical knowledge, bombarding me with medical questions like I was medical intern had me in bundle of nerves, anxiety and extreme low mood, which made me doubt my capabilities. I was exhausted, missing my family so much - I don’t have the time to videocall them, anxious, depressed and helpless. I was feeling guilty for not being there for my kids but I also lack the energy to do other things but my work. I have worked in many new places, in different roles, different work cultures and I did fine, even excellently if I say so myself. But in the new workplace, I struggling. Every day my guilt for not being there for my kids increased, missing there so much becoming more unbearable and my anxiety towards my work is coming more pathological. I tried to talk myself to try harder or even reach until December 2024 or at least finish my contract. It was difficult to give up a high paying job and the opportunity to work again in Singapore. I was tagging in a full 24 hrs duty call for General Medicine and I could foresee that I couldn’t do this long term. It felt like I was in a residency training that I didn’t like. My body was exhausted and I couldn’t keep up with young doctors. I wanted to sneak out and rest in the oncall room because I was so damn tired. I was thinking I am too old for this (I am 44) and I blame possible perimenopause hormones. I said if I want to go into residency again it would be a specialisation I like. July 204, I informed my senior doctor and the head of the department that I am resigning. I decided that my last day of work to be on August 25, 2024 - 5 months of working again in Singapore. I decided that my chapter in Singapore is officially closed. Other junior doctors call me brave for resigning, they would have wanted to do the same but their life circumstance prevents them otherwise. Some people at work still enticing me to give the hospital another chance - maybe change of department or take a vacation in Philipines & come back. My seniors would approve of my decision because they believe mothers should be with their children and they couldn’t imagine being away from their kids too for a long time.

I officially resigned in August 25, 2024. I went to this cafe shop near the sister hospital that I initially was assigned at first. I felt a wave of relief and freedom when I was out of that work situation. It was not for me - not that it was a bad place, not that people where mean to me - on the contrary there were all so nice to me - but I know I shouldn’t stay longer there. I learned a lot from my short stay there - having a glimpse of Palliative Medicine (some aspects of it which made me fell in love with it, some not so much), learning management of Palliative Care and learning a lot about myself - what I can do and what I can tolerate. I rode a plane back to my hometown in the Philippines by September 1, 2024 - ready to be with my family who I really missed and to pursue something that I have long have been interested in…..